One of the most common questions survivors of narcissistic abuse ask is: Can a narcissist actually change? Whether it’s a romantic partner, a parent, or a friend, many hold on to the hope that the person who hurt them might one day see the damage they’ve caused and take responsibility.
The short answer? Change is possible—but it’s rare and requires deep, sustained work.
What Narcissism Is and How It Impacts Relationships
Narcissism exists on a spectrum. On one end are people who occasionally act self-centered or seek admiration—something we all do at times. On the other end is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a diagnosable condition marked by a pattern of grandiosity, lack of empathy, entitlement, and fragile self-esteem.
Because these traits are deeply ingrained, people with NPD tend to struggle with self-awareness and accountability. They often rely on defense mechanisms like denial, blame-shifting, and projection to protect their fragile sense of self.
What Research Reveals About Narcissists Changing
Research shows that narcissistic traits are relatively stable across time, though some aspects—like antagonism—can decline with age. A 2020 meta-analysis of 51 longitudinal studies involving over 37,000 participants found that narcissism tends to decrease somewhat over the lifespan, yet individuals who are highly narcissistic compared to peers tend to remain so (Wetzel et al., 2020).
For those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the picture is more complex. A 2023 qualitative review of psychotherapy with eight individuals diagnosed with NPD found that while most improved in functioning and self-reflection, core patterns of interpersonal control and avoidance remained challenging (Edershile et al., 2023).
Another long-term study published in The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease in 2024 followed patients in psychotherapy for 2.5 to 5 years. All eight participants no longer met full NPD criteria after treatment and showed improved psychosocial functioning (Kealy et al., 2024). However, researchers emphasized that these outcomes required intensive, long-term therapy and strong motivation to change—conditions that are uncommon.
How Narcissists Can Change: Therapy and Key Factors
For someone with narcissistic traits to change, several things must happen:
- Insight: They must gain emotional awareness of how their behavior impacts others.
- Accountability: They must accept responsibility without minimizing or blaming.
- Empathy development: Genuine change requires cultivating empathy and relational awareness.
- Sustained therapeutic work: Long-term therapy focused on personality structure—like schema therapy, EMDR, or psychodynamic therapy—has shown some promise (Kealy et al., 2024).
Without these elements, surface-level behavior changes may occur temporarily, but the deeper personality patterns often remain intact.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: Advice for Survivors
If you’re in a relationship with someone who exhibits narcissistic behaviors, it’s understandable to hope they’ll change—especially when you see occasional moments of vulnerability or remorse. But change must come from within them, and most narcissists resist the self-examination required for true transformation.
Your energy is better spent focusing on your own healing—rebuilding self-trust, setting firm boundaries, and processing the trauma of emotional manipulation. Therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help survivors of narcissistic abuse heal attachment wounds, integrate fragmented parts of self, and reclaim a sense of safety.
If you’ve left a narcissistic relationship, therapy can help you understand the trauma bond, break cycles of people-pleasing, and rebuild your confidence. Healing is possible—and you deserve relationships built on mutual respect and empathy, not control or fear.
The Bottom Line
Can narcissists change? In rare cases, yes—particularly when they are motivated, capable of self-reflection, and engaged in long-term therapy. But for most, narcissistic patterns remain resistant to major transformation. What you can count on is your own ability to heal, grow, and rebuild a life rooted in authenticity and self-respect.
You don’t have to wait for someone else to change to begin your recovery. If you’re healing from abuse or struggling with the effects of a toxic relationship, therapy for narcissistic abuse can help you reconnect with your inner strength and sense of self. I offer online EMDR and IFS therapy for trauma, codependency, and narcissistic abuse recovery in California, Florida, and Vermont, as well as in-person therapy in West Palm Beach and Palm Beach Gardens, Florida.
Learn more or schedule an appointment by clicking the button below.
References
- Edershile, E. A., Wright, A. G. C., & Kealy, D. (2023). Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Patterns, Processes, and Indicators of Change in Long-Term Psychotherapy. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment.
- Kealy, D., Ogrodniczuk, J. S., & Livesley, W. J. (2024). Can Patients With Narcissistic Personality Disorder Change? The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 212(7), 505–512.
- Wetzel, E., Brown, A., Hill, P. L., & Roberts, B. W. (2020). Development of Narcissism Across the Lifespan: A Meta-Analysis of Longitudinal Studies. Psychological Bulletin, 146(7), 551–571.
- American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed., text rev.; DSM-5-TR).
- Thriveworks (2023). Can a Narcissist Change? Retrieved from https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/can-a-narcissist-change